Lindsay Lohan Seeks Trial Delay Due to 'Runny Nose!"

Claiming that she's picked up some kind of bug that causes her nose 'to run', wild child Lindsay Lohan is saying she can't show up for her Friday court appearance after testing positive twice for cocaine.

Close friends say the train wreck 'celebrity' was heartened earlier in the week when Paris Hilton skated for the 25th time for carrying illegal drugs when being detained by international and US law enforcement agents.

Despite credible reports that Hilton has been acting as a 'drug mule' for years secreting drugs up most of her body cavities, the judge once again let her off as her yacht and entourage were kept waiting interrupting her endless vacation.

Follywood watchers speculate this time Lohan won't be lucky, and may even be sentenced to two (2) 30 day stretches in the local pen, or once again be sent directly to rehab where it is rumoured that not only condoms but crack and marijuana are available in vending machines.

Just last week there were reports that Lohan was driving around in her BRAND NEW Maserati and brushed a nanny and her charge crossing in a pedestrian cross walk, a charge not verified despite the fact that some Gerber's creamed spinach was found on the car's right front fender.

Despite the set backs, Lindsay says she will continue to promote the legalization of drugs in California, and is now earning $27 per appearance at local medical marijuana clinics throughout the state of California in an effort to gather support to keep them open.

The future of her starring role as Linda Lovelace in the remake of 'Deep Throat' now in jeopardy, industry insiders say the scum-dog producers are scurrying around for a replacement 'who really, really, sucks!'

Latest contenders could be Kate Gosselin or OctoMom Nadya Suleman....or both, since the mothers of 22 combined say they no longer want sexual intercourse, but would swallow if it kept them in the public eye and off welfare, which they claim ' SUCKS BIG TIME!"

The flick, with a budget of $52,000 and to be shot in the swamps of Mississippi, would have paidLohan $3250 and a piece of the refreshment take in the 4 theaters where it was scheduled to open in Amsterdam, Times Square, Baltimore, and the Reeperbahn.

Bill Clinton has denied he sought a cameo role.

Source: The Spoof